Friday, 17 February 2012

Be here now

Since the beginning of my trip, I’ve been writing to you a bit, here and there, in a book, with the intention to type it later during one of those rare moments I’m having access to an internet connection. My first entry for you in my book was on the very first day of my trip: on the plane. Since that day, everything has been uncertain, unpredictable. A roller coaster of emotions and of experiences. Today, I realize that I’ve changed so much… And today, I am thinking that this is why I lost that book, and that I am now unable to share those entries with you… Three months and a half passed by since I jumped in that plane to California. Three months and a half. WOW. One can go through so many things in such a short period of time in his life time! Come and go, and come back again in a position/state of mind/believes. It can go on and on like this many more times. And one can also rather let it all go at the end.
Life -and the human mind, certainly!- is so surprising, interesting, mind blowing.

When I moved in Sutton, I felt such a relief at first. I felt like I could totally expend my whole being and soul there. I made tons of wonderful friends, I was totally supported by an entire community of good living beings, and I was surrounded by nothing but nature. What a dream, right? But it didn’t take so long that I started to sink in some sort of lethargy… I was feeling lonelier than ever… A spark of something was missing. “No place like home is where thy heart is” and my heart was somewhere else than in the space and time where I was. That’s what was happening to me. I finally lost of my job due to the global economical situation, and there is no need really to tell you that it made my situation worst. I was wandering in vain… I decided to leave the country. My community has some friends and members in California. I decided to visit them. From there, it happened that I met even more other people. And I stayed here and there. In standard houses in town, and in tents or domes in some sustainable communities in the far far woods. Where ever I could, and whatever I could afford for. Sleeping in a tent in high mountains during the winter, you get to know people more than normally. In basic survival instinct, human being opens up radically.

After a few roller coaster rides, I started to feel really tired. Tired of fighting so hard and of kicking out like a horse held against its will, because I couldn't find myself doing what I really wanted to do, not being able to go where I thought my heart was. I was thinking that if was not able to make my way to there again, I would forever be wandering. But all that time, everything had always been perfect. JUST PERFECT. The barriers were there for very good reasons. One can be blinded for wanting something so bad and for being so stubborn. My heart has always been wherever I was... since it’s within me. Okay, maybe I needed to live some big experiences, and perhaps this was the way that my Self has found to help me to make the scary move of going out there and reach for something else. Yes, most probably.

A phone call from Hawaii one night made me see that there was no need for fighting and that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Suddenly, everything was coming together. What a relief. A sudden peace gained my whole being. I could trust again. And just BE. I could simply savor everything that is there. What a great feeling that is! Right away, I started to reconnect with my Self. I was excited for my life again!! Light was all around.

Ever since, opportunities keep being offered to me. I made my way to the San Francisco bay area. I ate twice in some Café Gratitude. I started to practice Kundalini yoga, and am experiencing and learning some very interesting ways of how the human being’s brain functions. SO POWERFUL. And say that I thought that my healing process, my finding of Happiness could only be possible somewhere else than right here right now…! HA! I ended up to expend my community by 10. And I am leaving in 3 weeks for Costa Rica, on a permaculture community! What about that?! ;) Allow everything to happen, and trust life fully, and see where it’s gonna bring you! :)
Here's for you. One of my favorite singers, who I saw on stage for the very first time here in Cali, on the great day of 11/11/11!! It was amazing!

You don’t have to be this, You don’t have to be that, now. Just
BE, for eternity.
You don’t have to do this, You don’t have to do that, now. Just DO whatever happens to be.
You don’t have to think this, You don’t have to think that, now. Don’t think, but DO IT COUNSCIOUSLY.
You don’t have to love this, You don’t have to love that, now. Just LOVE, for eternity.
~ Shimshai


WITH LOVE, FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE,
Marie-Eve

2 comments:

  1. We are only one spirit, we are only one liberty,we are only one truth, we are only one love.

    Merci pour tout Marie-eve, :) X

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  2. Yaay!!! All my pleasure! It's almost selfish... :D I do what I do because it makes me happy that it makes YOU happy too. And since we are one, I guess the fun is doubled for both of us! ;)

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